Hello all, I just got back from the Maternity ward where I spent three long days. Strapped to a fetal monitor, a contraction meter, an IV that took three flipping nurses three times to finally poke me thanks to my obscene dehydration caused by my liquid jet stream poop. Fun times. Oh yes and I got a fever, I was only allowed to eat Jello, oh and best of all I shit myself at about 3am on Friday night, that my friends is an event to remember. What's even better is having your husband wipe your liquid shat bum ( with the gloves provided of course) because you are two fat and tangled up in every electrical baby monitoring and iv liquid providing machine there is. Oh yes and then you finally get all settled into bed in a clean not shit stained gown and non shit stained sheets and are just about to doze off, when from somewhere down the hall you wake up to hear AAAAHHHHHH, AHHHH, H, HH, AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAH......... AH. ....HHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
for like 45 minutes straight. As I turn to look my husband in the face all i see are my intensley magnified, dialated eyes reflecting in his intensley, magnified dialted eyes. And we just hold hands in the dark waiting for the pain that is being inflicted upon this poor woman to cease. And I tell Jer, I want an epidural. He tells me your stronger than that. I tell him in a little louder and sterner voice.. If i ask for an epidural you give me an epidural or you will never see the child inside me for as long as you live. He agrees and we fall asleep to the sound of a new born babies first cries.
*side note. No that is not Henna on my big ass belly, those are stretch marks, as off this past thursday I choose to label them bodacious, baby induced badges of HONOUR.
No comments:
Post a Comment